Where are you hiding?

As someone who's spent a lifetime managing their experiences so as to avoid feeling any embarrassment [read: shame] or being 'on show', I've been curious lately about the topic of visibility and what it means to show up in life and in the world in a way that feels expansive, authentic and consciously embraced.

On a recent coach training course, I was struck by how many of the group spoke of their fear of being seen; of being 'out there' in the world embodying their full, dynamic selves.

We shared versions of the same story: smaller, much younger parts of ourselves hiding in caves, shells, dark places. Conversely, we all spoke of a niggling desire to shake off that smallness in order to be and feel bigger. We just didn't know how.

Later, after a conversation with another friend who shared the same story, it occurred to me that as children, we don't get to choose how we're visible in the world. Our visibility is defined and determined for us.

Over time, we take the labels we're given and the experiences we have and use them as building blocks to form our self-concept, which in turn shapes how we experience the world.

It's a total lottery which of us ends up with a robust self-concept and which of us don't.

Limiting thoughts as facts

As adults we've all said or heard things such as, "I don't do feelings," "I'm not a creative person," and "I'm not good enough to do X."

We hold these thoughts to be true and we go about disappearing those parts of ourselves that we think aren't enough.

Each part that we smuggle out of sight takes with it a piece of our vitality as we spend time and energy keeping it hidden. The more we stuff down, the more we tend to close around it.

In life, this could look like playing it small and minimising our talents; struggling to maintain connections with people; and shying away from going after what we really want or saying what we really want to say.

What it means to be visible

If this resonates with you, you might be thinking, "but why do I do this? I don't want to be doing this!"

You may be feeling a desire for more aliveness and expression pushing up against the edges of the limitations that have gathered around you and not know where to start dismantling them.

So, just for a moment, imagine yourself fully opening up to the world around you, like a flower in bloom opening up to the sun. It helps to embody it, so try closing your eyes, stretch your arms out wide, lift your chin up, take a deep breath, and breathe into the feeling of letting go. It's OK to be seen. You're safe here.

And then let me ask you this:

What would be possible in your life if you were visible and showing up in a way that felt expansive and energising to you?

To me, being visible means:

• Physically standing tall, feeling strong and grounded.

• Being open to people and opportunities.

• Looking people in the eye and speaking with conviction and passion. (With this I would do more public speaking - the thought of which still makes my insides recoil but I want to keep practising it anyway.)

• Holding conversation lightly and taking joy from my experiences and interactions with people.

• Being gentle on myself.

• Letting “yes!” tumble out of my mouth before I have a chance to overthink it.

• Owning what I’m good at and what I bring to the table.

• Living life from the perspective of it being full of opportunity and potential.

I feel this when I coach people.

It's incredibly moving and uplifting to witness somebody shift from a place of hiding and feeling small to a new and empowering understanding of themselves and their potential in the world.

It deeply inspires the work that I do and the way that I want to work with people.

So, where and what are you hiding? Where in life do you feel small or invisible? And how would your life be different if you could choose how you show up in the world?

If you'd like to explore these questions with me, I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me at louisesheridancoach@gmail.com or schedule a free 30-minute call with me here.